"YEEE-HA!" Remmy cried, riding one of the manticores past the the ninjas.

"I have tamed this mighty beast, and I shall name it....Flufficans. WON'T I, MR. FLUUFICANS?" Remmy cooed, rubbing its mane.

The creature suddenly exploded into a gory mess beneath him, jumping out of the way to avoid the same fate.
Looking over the now smoking corpse, he saw Xandus with his mini-gun up.
"HEY! What the hell did you kill Mr.Fluficans for?!" Remmy demanded.

"It was a merciful move, I assure you." Xandus commented before turning his attention to the other creatures.

Alex finished shouting to the skies when he felt a tap on the shoulder.

"Hey, Alex! I see you've got a Manticore problem!"

"Xiang? What are you doing here? How did you get here so fast?"

"Oh, I've been here since the battle started. I just wanted to see pirates get slaughtered."

"Er... 'kay then. Say, could you give us a hand here?"

"Sure!" said Xiang, dropping a severed pirate hand at his feet.

With the village now burned down, even if he did manage to get hold of the final item, his plan was obsolete. Falx paced back and forth in his tavern, seething.

Outside he heard the pirates and ninjas battle the manticores. He wondered if whatever had sent them qualified as being in the war as well, and whether or not he should eradicate them. Probably, he decided, but since he had no idea why they were there right now, he couldn't do anything about it really. Besides, he wouldn't be at full strength if he left when it was still light, like it was right now.

He needed a new strategy. Right now he couldn't decide on one though, as he wasn't even able to check who had suffered the most losses to that village battle and to the manticores. He would need to have a look later on, when it got dark.

For now however, he had nothing he could do. He walked up to the bedroom and lay down. He couldn't sleep due to the noise outside however, but he didn't mind. He lay back, and listened to the sounds of battle with a sadistic smile on his face. As he relaxed to them, he actually did start to feel like he could sleep, and started to drift off.

His last thought before he drifted off was I wonder if they have chimeras as well...

Xandus pulled out his claymore and chopped off a manitcore's tail. The creature fell down in pain, allowing Xandus to deliver the finishing blow.

"Dammit, where the hell are these things coming from?!" shouted Xandus

Xandus turned to the hill. He saw a massive hole in the hill's side, which the manticores were pouring out of.

"Well, looks like I found the answer."

Xandus' arm transformed into a missile launcher. He fired a high-explosive rocket at the manticore hole. From the hole came a massive explosion, killing the manticores inside it.

"Well, looks like that problem has been dealt wit..."

Suddenly, a massive roar came from the hole. The hole expanded, and a huge beats came out. The new creature had two heads, one of a goat and one of a lion. It had a snake's head for a tail, and massive wings coming from it's back.

"CHIMERA!!!" yelled Remmy

"What. The. Fuck." said Xandus

Azraellod:

His last thought before he drifted off was I wonder if they have chimeras as well...

"Hey, Xandus, can you spell God of War?" Sam asked, standing at the foot of the hill with his arms crossed and looking awesome.
"Alright. G-O-"
"KTHX!" Sam said, hopping on Xandus's head and springing off it at the chimaera, swords in his hands, and landing on it's back. He swung both swords at the creature's tail, which it used to counter the attack by biting down on the blades with the snake-head. Sam smirked. That couldn't have gone any better.
Sam's eyes started glowing yellow, and he charged an electric current through his hands and into the swords, stunning the creature.
"Okay, it's weak! Somebody take it out!"

Alex heard Sam's cried for a finisher, and cocked his shotgun.

"Does this help?" he asked, blowing it in the head so that it's brains leaked out of it's ears.

"We did it!" cheered Remmy "We killed the Chimer..."

Remmy was pinned down by the Chimera's foot . The beast roared at Remmy and began to crush him.

"What the hell?" said Alex "Didn't I kill it?"

"A Chimera has more than one head, dumbass." said Xandus

Alex looked at the Chimera and realized it still had it's snake head tail and lion head.

"Oh. Right." said Alex

The Chimera opened it's mouth and shot waves of fire at the pirates and ninjas.

Alex jumped over the fire and landed on the Chimera's back.

"HA! Beat that, Remmy!" Alex grabbed ahold of the snake head, and gave Xiang the signal. She ran up to the snake and twisted it, breaking it's back.

"Okay, Alex, the deed is done. Xandus, wanna do the honors?"

Falx awoke. He had just heard the whisper of fire from somewhere. He hated fire. It broke up the shadows, and burned down hiding places. Fire was very very bad for him.

He immediately drew out his scythe and ran outside. He looked quickly around, and saw a chimera now involved in the battle. The manticores had far diminished in number, but that didn't matter to Falx, as chimeras were a far greater threat to him.

Hopefully the ninjas and pirates should be able to deal with it, but Falx was not going to take any chances with this. He backed away, and hid around one side of the tavern. With that thing out there, he wasn't going inside, when one blast from that thing could trap him inside to suffer a fiery death.

If it came closer, he would be waiting with his scythe...

"GET THIS DAMN FREAK OFF O' ME!" Remmy cried, still pinned down by the Chimera's claw.
In frustration, Remmy tried biting the thing.
"RARRR-nomnomnom-Hmmm....it tastes....like chicken...but tougher, and with a spicier zing to it..."
Remmy looked up at the leg, a wide grin on his face.
"The first person to fully kill this thing get's first dibs at the new and delicious Remmy's BBQ Chimera steak!"

"BBQ sauce? I WANT BBQ SAUCE!" yelled Xandus

Xandus lifted his minigun arm. He fired at the Chimera's paw, releasing Remmy. Xandus pulled out his claymore and jumped onto the Chimera. He grabbed the beast by it's lion head and stabbed it, killing it.

"There we go." said Xandus "That takes cares of that problem."

Xandus looked down the hole where the Chimera and Manticores came from. The inside of the hole was covered with ancient Japanese writing. The hole appeared to stretch down for several kilometers.

"What the hell is this thing?" said Xandus

Alex looked at Remmy.

"Well, I'm pretty hungry... so why not?" Alex took a grenade and placed a hand grenade in the third head's mouth. The Chimera swallowed it, and got a surprised look on its face befor exploding and leaving a pile of fried Chimera giblets on the ground. He hoisted Remmy to his feet and said:

Alex looked over to Xandus and said:

"I think we'd make an exellent team. Would you two like to be in the first ever Ninja-Pirate alliance?"

"Eh, I'm game with whatevah you guys plan." Remmy said, wearing a chefs hat and apron as he grilled some Chimera meat.

"Who likes their steak rare?" he asked the group, adding some more coal to the pit he made.

"Remmy! Where did you find that hat? And how did you make a fully-bricked BBQ pit?"

Xandus asked, wishing he had glands to salivate over the sizzling meat.

"Don't underestimate the power of the BBQ, mate."

As Remmy cooked the meat, Alex lit up a cigarette. Xandus walked up to him and asked:

"So... Alex... are we good about that interrogation? I don't want it to get in the way of our partnership, and you and Xiang are the only people here who know japanese!" Then, he added with a whisper, "And Xiang's the only girl."

"None taken, buddy. And yeah, she's pretty hot, isn't she?"

Xiang appeared behind them. "What are you two whispering about? Who's pretty hot?"

"So here's the deal." said Xandus "We work together, find what's up with his hole, use the Shadow of Enlightenment to locate the Tomb of Rhaghar, split whatever treasure we find, and then go back to killing each other. Savy?"

"MMkay. But do we have to go back? I kind of like this partnership," said Alex, taking a draw on his cigarette.

"Of course we do! We're Ninjas and Pirates! Sworn enemies!"

"Oh, man." said Xiang, "I was almost starting to like you two. Especially the drunkard one. You can have all sorts of fun while drunk!"

Falx came back around from the side of the tavern at the sound of the chimera being slain. He smiled in relief, as he had not wanted to have to deal with it.

He looked over at the group, where the ninjas and the pirates seemed to be talking to each other and not killing each other. This would need correcting.

He sighed, and leaned back to watch. It may be frustrating to him for now, but this may come in useful in the future, and may even allow him to resurrect his old plan. If he got it right, he wouldn't even need the third item anymore.

He waited to see what would happen. Either way, it was a victory for him. Either they started fighting, and more blood was spilled, or they remained allied for long enough for his plan to become a possibility. Although he should probably look into the manticores and chimeras first, as they were an unknown factor right now, and he needed to find out about them in order to get everything right.

He would go and have a look as soon as it got dark this time. With chimeras around, he wasn't safe. He needed to eliminate the source as swiftly as reasonably possible.

He saw smoke rising, and caught the whiff of cooking flesh. That was a use of fire that he liked there, although he never ate anymore. Still, it smelled unusual, almost as if... they were cooking the chimera? Astonishing how creative they were... or was that irony? Falx didn't know.

He shrugged, and waited...

"Indeed you can, Ninja-Whore, indeed you can." Remmy said, patting Xiang on her back.

"Remmy, how the hell did you get fully clothed again?" Xandus demanded from his underling, noticing Remmy's clothes back and in good condition.
"Praise the power of the BBQ! PRAISE IT!"

"...I'll ignore the second impossible occurrence if you promise to stop using that joke."

"DEAL! So, we going in that cave or what?" Remmy asked, heading to the dark opening.

Xiang followed Remmy down the tunnel.

"Well, you guys coming or not?"

Alex and Xandus looked at each other. "I won't think of it if you don't," whispered Alex.

"Don't worry. I wouldn't dream of touching anyone but another robot."

"... I meant about killing each other."

"Oh. That too."

Helvinski looked at the shark gnawing on his leg. He punched it on the nose and it dropped to the ground as the other ninja...person...youth...left, Helvinski having been slightly less than enthused about being dropped in on. He rolled his eyes. "Whatever happened to ninjas being silent? And what does he know about crazy? Of course I'm crazy! I'm a genius!" He leapt after him, silently following, observing, gently amused at the "Pirate-Ninja" alliance as they descended into the pit. He followed them, undetected and observant, noting that the writing on the walls seemed to indicate that the path was leading to one of his old pupil's tombs.

He saw the next trap before anyone else did and stepped back, determined not to get caught up in any trouble.

Alex walked in, along with Xandus, and looked around. The entire tunnel was covered in japanese writing, which he thankfully knew. Suddenly, he heard a loud noise and a fleet of arrows stopped in front of him.

"DC of twelve!" a mysterious voice said.

"Thankfully, I always carry a d20 on hand," said Remmy. Remmy threw the dice and rolled a 16. The arrows snapped in half and fell to the ground. "That was easy," Remmy said. "Just like Xia- er, I mean- Staples."

"How," Alex asked, "Could you know about a store before it was invented?"

"BBQ, mate. BBQ."

"REMMY! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT JOKE?"

"Sorry..."

"WOOPAAAAH!" Sam yelled, running at breakneck speeds down the tunnel. "You guys are jerks, you know that?" He continued, catching up with our heroes. "I fall asleep for one second, and you form an alliance without me? I love alliances, more than I love barbecue!" He glared at Remmy. "You'd better have saved me some Chimaera leftovers..."

Alex slapped Sam and said, "Why are we jerks? You were the one who fell asleep in the middle of our fight!"

"Well... yeah, I guess that's true." Sam looked over at Xiang. "Who's that dame?"

"That's Xiang. Don't call her a dame, though, she might 'accidentally' put poison in your tea."

Remmy suddenly shouted out. "HEY, GUYS! IT'S A RIVER OF RUM!" Remmy saw a large, golden river stretching for miles in a separate tunnel connected to the one they were in.

"What. The. Hell." said Xandus, doing a facepalm to end all facepalms.

"Hey, Xiang-chan, how's it going?" Sam asked, jogging over to the kunoichi (that's a female ninja, for those of you who don't watch Naruto). "Wow, you've really changed over the past few years! I didn't recognize you at first because of your new fringe..."
"Wait, you know her?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, from Ninja College," Sam explained. "We were in the same class. Xiang was always studying, whereas I was always brutally murdering my classmates, so we didn't really hang out, but still!" Sam grinned his trademark grin. "What a coincidence it is to see you here!"

"Oh, yeah! I remember you! You almost slit my throat with a pencil," said Alex.

"Ah, yes. Good times." They both looked over to Remmy, who was once again nude and swimming in the rum.

"Hey, guysh! The rum'sh *hic* warm!"

"Why would you drink warm rum?"

"Mommeh *hic* fed it to meh at night, sho why *hic* not?"

"Fair enough."

"Hey Alex, what does the ancient japanese writing on the walls say?" asked Xandus

Alex began to study the odd symbols.

"Hmm....well, I can't translate all of it, but it does say something about Rhaghar." said Alex "It also mentions another person named Jomondar."

"Who?"

"Jomondar. Apparently, this hole leads to a temple where he lives." said Alex

Suddenly, six manticores appeared from the depths of the holes.

"Crap! Not these things again!" said Xandus

A 'Core jumped on Alex as Xandus, Xiang, Sam, and the very drunk Remmy held them off. Alex threw the 'Core to the side and began shooting at the rest of them with his SMG's. Xiang had pulled a katana out and began slicing at a few of them. Xandus was firing his Minigun with an angry look on his face. Sam was punching them, and was soo good at it that he killed about 2 of them. And Remmy was pelvic thrusting in the faces of the 'Cores, causiing one of them to have a heart attack. Soon, all of the Manticores were dead and Alex somehow still had his cigarrete intact.

"Sweet! Now, about that Jomondar fellow... d'you think he sent these guys after us?"

Falx had walked back into his tavern when the chimera was slain. He lay back, trying to sleep again. He was finding it difficult though, as his thoughts were disturbing him.

The chimeras and the manticores... those were almost wiped out except for a few he had seen in captivity in a few of the towns he had visited. Numbers like that were likely to be tame, and under the control of a third team. This was a real problem, as it meant having to scrap his plan until this third team was dealt with.

To make matters worse, the pirates and ninjas, though apparently formidable together, would eventually start fighting each other again, and if they were attacked while this happened, then it would be a clear victory for the mythical creatures.

He needed it to get dark. This alliance wouldn't last forever, and he had no idea where the two teams had all gone. For all he knew, they were fighting one another right now in a trap set by the third...

"How the hell should I know?" said Xandus "You're the one who can read japanese, so you tell me."

Alex investigated the writing on the walls.

"Under the name Jomondar are several other words, including the title beast-lord." said Alex "There's alos some more writing, but it's in Turkish."

"Turkish?" said Remmy "So, this guy is a Turk? And he controls this creatures?"

"I think so."

Suddenly, the pirates and ninjas heard a series of roars coming from a hole nearby.

"That can't be good." said Remmy

"Come on, let's keep moving." said Xandus "I say we go the depths of the hole, see if we can find anything there."

Alex followed Xandus down the tunnel. Suddenly, Remmy shouted out. "Hey guysh, wanna play a *hic* game to pass the time? We could shee who can spn around the mosht without *hic* throwing up." Suddenly, Remmy cluthced his stomach and threw up. "Guessh I losht," said Remmy.

"Arlight, quit your belly-aching and let's get going!" Xandus demanded, shanging his arm into a mini-gun and heading down the tunnel.

"I'm afraid I can't go with you, dear Xandus." Remmy said with earie calmness, wiping the puke off and getting dressed.

"What the hell are you talkin bout, boy?"

"I've found the Holy Grail's of Drunken Pirates," Remmy indicated the river of Rum, "so what more do I need?"

"But...but what about killing? What about pillaging? What about putting fear and loathing into the hearts of children?" Xandus pleaded, a small oil-tear forming.

"I...I will miss that, but this is my new home now..." Remmy said, though now his voice wavered as his eyes misted over.

"You canna leave me, boy. You...you are my crew!"

"Yeah, cause he's the only one still alive." Sam added.

"SHUT YUR YAP! And I'm sure Barbarossa is around." Xandus shouted at Sam before turning back to Remmy.
"Won't you still be part of meh crew?" he asked, holding out his hand.

"Oh...Oh yes Xandus! Yes!" cheered Remmy as he took hold of the metallic hand.

"Good," the mecha-captain said as he gripped Remmy's hand. "You will lead the scouting party then." he said with a sneer, tossing Remmy down the tunnel.

Alex laughed hyserically as he saw Remmy fly down the tunnel. He turned to Xandus and said, "But wait... couldn't he die down there?" Suddenly, they heard a scream form down the tunnel.

"That's my cue!" shouted Xandus. "See, if I save him, then he will probably forget about the Rum River and be even more inclined to join my crew. Rum is still a major threat to the loyalty of a pirate like that."

"But what if he dies?"

"Oh... right... I'M COMING, REMMY!" Xandus ran down the tunnel, followed by Alex and the rest.

Alex was still snickering a bit.

Meanwhile, many years in the future, trouble was brewing.
"Damn, no-one's posted in, like, 3 days!" Sam's great anscestor muttered, checking up on a forum game he was interested in. "It's a shame, 'cause I like this one..."
Suddenly, a knife came whizzing past his ear. "Sonovabitch, who was that!?" He asked angrily, spinning around and pointing his staple gun at his assailant.
"Fool, you think you can defeat me with mere staples?" the attacker asked.
"I don't intend to," Sam of the Future said, drawing his twin golf clubs and flying at the attacker, beating him until he was dead.
Then, out of no-where, a time portal appeared. Future Sam did his best to run, but the gravitational pull was too much for him, and he was sucked in.
When he woke up, he was lying outside the entrance of a cave on the side of a mountain. He still had all his weapons with him, but he had no idea how he'd got there. "This ain't the mall anymore... This is real..." He thought to himself. If he died here, he wouldn't come back. He'd have to be careful.

Falx was growing impatient. Why did the day go by so slowly? He needed darkness dammit.

He paced back and forth, the door to his tavern open so he could check on the position of the sun when he needed to. It didn't seem to be moving very quickly, and Falx couldn't sleep anymore, so he wanted something to do. This was just too agitating.

He waited for what seemed like an hour to him, but what was actually 10 minutes, before grabbing his umbrella and marching outside. He headed up the hill and towards a large hole which, judging by the footprints leading towards it, those idiots had gone into. He considered his options.

He could simply cave the entrance in, but if there were other entrances then that wouldn't achieve anything. Besides, even if there weren't, then it left the third team to... hold on...

He examined the ground again, and went white with horror. Footprints of manticores and chimeras lead out of it as well. How did he miss that?

Hm....

This left the only real option to be to attempt to cave in the hole. With all three teams in there, then he would get into real trouble if he tried to investigate, and things wouldn't be pitch black no matter what thanks to those damn chimeras. This was probably his best option: to cave in the entrance and leave the teams to fight it out.

However, he needed to guarantee that they'd actually fight, as given the current situation they might try to cooperate in order to escape. He needed a way...

Aha! That'll work.

He headed back to his tavern, planning further, with a horrible grin on his face. No survivors indeed...

Xandus, Alex, and Remmy continued down the hole. They saw a hole with light coming through, and walked towards it. They entered a massive room with a temple in the center. Surrounding the room were pillars with manticores and chimeras standing on top of them. In the temple at the center was a turkish man wearing robes and a suit of armour. He had two scimitars attached to his belt.

"So, you have finally arrived!" said the turkish man

"Let me guess, you're Jomondar?" said Xandus

"Indeed, pirate." said the turkish man "I am Jomondar, master of the beasts and an apprentice of Rhaghar!"

"Apprentice of Rhaghar?" said Alex "That's impossible. Rhaghar lived during the 1200's. You couldn't possibly be his apprentice"

"Ah, but you see young ninja, I am not an ordinary man." said Jomondar "I am but one of Rhaghar's many apprentices, all of who..."

"NOBODY GIVES A SHIT!!!" yelled Xandus

Xandus fired a missile at one of the manticores, blowing it into pieces.

"Dude, what the fuck?!" said Jomondar "I was explaining something important to the plot!"

"I don't care!" yelled Xandus "Let's kill this bastard."