"...Dude, this isn't any fun. Why don't you drink some more?" Sam asked, sitting cross-legged on the ground.
"What're ya talkin about? I'm ash drunk ash... ash.. ash two poniesh in a strip club," Remmy replied, sitting awkwardly on the ground next to Sam.
"Nah, that's not true. If you were as drunk as that, I'd probably be dead. Y'see," Sam explained, "I've observed that you're a much better fighter when you're drunk. The more you drink, the better you get, as you seem to be immune to the effects of alcohol poisoning."
"Ah, your logic makesh shenshe to me," Remmy said, tipping over backwards and rolling around like a spastic baby.
"Here." Sam handed him a small vial marked "do not drink", underneath which was the subheading "seriously, don't. Your brain will melt out your ears".
"This here is pure 200% alcohol. One drop of it'd kill a normal person, but evidently, normal you ain't. Go crazy."

20 SECONDS LATER

"Oh, whoops, that was rattlesnake venom. Sorry 'bout that," Sam said to Remmy, who was now lying flat out, foaming at the mouth and twitching.

Xandus was walking to Sam. Suddenly, he heard the noise of a gun being fired. Xandus turned around to see a bullet hit him straight in the head. He saw Isaac, holding up a pistol.

"Damn ninjas." said Xandus "Don't they know it takes more than a bullet to kill a robot?"

Xandus' arm transformed into a missile launcher.

"Take this, you bastards."

Xandus fired two heat seeking missiles at Isaac. One of them hit a ninja who was in the way, but the other was headed straight towards Isaac. The ninja began to run away, but the missile was a heat seeker, and kept on his tail.

Falx arrived at the edge of the town, and observed the conflict. He was surprised at what he saw.

The ninjas were fighting using shockingly similar methods to the pirates, and this was causing major problems for themselves. Were they idiots? Why attack pirates with methods they were unfamiliar with.

That said, the pirates were taking equal damage due to their own brand of stupidity. Half of their number appeared drunk as they charged dumbly towards the ninjas. What was this, a battle to weed out the morons of the two teams?

Oh well, it didn't matter. If the balance was maintained, then things could keep going as planned. But he needed some things from this battlefield that he would have to work to get otherwise. He headed first towards one of the ninja corpses, and started with the easier of the two items he needed from here. It was easily acquired, as he took the katana from the corpse and kicked it in satisfaction.

No-one seemed to care about that really. The ninjas devoted their attention to battling, and the pirates hardly cared about someone looting a ninja corpse. He tucked the katana down his back, and started looking for the other item. This would be from the pirates, and would be considerably harder to obtain, considering the circumstances. He looked around for someone suitable...

The bullet clanged of Xanus' head, and he turned to face Isaac. He shouted something about how stupid Isaac was, and then his arm transformed into a rocket launcher. "What kind of robot is this?!?" Isaac thought, but he never had time to contemplate the answer, because suddenly two missles blasted from the arm. One hit an near by ninja, but the other went straight for Isaac. He jumped out of the way skillfully, but the missle passed him and then looped back. "Targetting systems?" he thought "God damnit" He began running, but the missle was hot on his tail

"OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT" BOOM

The missle hit him and sent him flying. He landed on the roof of a hut, but his force broke right through it. He came to his senses and stood up. Nothing seemed broken, although his staff had been snapped in three. He looked around and saw two Daggers lying on a table. He picked them up, and looked outside. The battle was still raging. With no time to lose, he walked out side and climbed onto the roof, and began jumping from building to building back in the direction of the fight.

Alex found the battle and saw a robot Pirate firing at a group of ninjas.

"Oh no you don't! Wait, didn't I say that already?" he said and thought. He ran forward to lob a grenade, but saw a man lying on the ground. He recognized him as the man who he had gone drinking with him. As he saw him, twitching, he figured it couldn't hurt anyone, and slipped him an Antidotablet. That's when he noticed the Pirate standing next to him.

Xandus signaled to Barbarossa, who was on the Kraken Slayer. A series of Missile Cannons appeared from the side of the Kraken Slayer. Xandus pulled out his claymore and swung it.

"FIRE ALL CANNONS!" yelled Xandus

The Missile Cannons on the Kraken Slayer fired, sending a barrage of rockets towards the beach. Many ninjas were blown to pieces by the rockets, only a small amount left alive. Xandus' arm turned into a minigun, and he began mowing down the surviving ninjas.

"THEY'RE TOO STRONG!" shouted Sam "FALL BACK!"

The ninjas on the beach began running away from the beach up to a defensive hill, which was covered with barricades and wooden stakes.

"We've got them on the run!" said Xandus "Press onward!"

Pirates, pirates, pirates, pirates...

Falx looked around, seeing few pirates that qualified. They were either alive and fighting, or lying on the ground, dead and bloody. He needed a pirate with no blood on his clothes...

Aha!

Suddenly, he saw someone perfect. A pirate, lying on the ground, drunk out of his mind, but free from all traces of blood. It was exactly what he needed. He headed towards him.

As he headed over there though, he saw a man slip the pirate something. The pirate, who had been twitching, suddenly lay still, unconscious for now. Falx would need to hurry, as he could wake at any second, but this was too good an opportunity to miss. He headed over to the man, apparently ignored by everyone for now.

He sensed that that would soon change though. He knelt over the pirate, and started to undress him as fast as he could...

Alex stood up and saw a person out of the corner of his eye.

"You won't get me, Pirate scu- Oh, it's a Ninja. Why are you undressing him?"

Xandus watched as the pirates charged the ninja's hill. Soon, they would overrun the Death's Blade village. Xandus heard a noise. He turned around and saw two ninjas over Remmy's body. He walked over to one of the ninjas and held his claymore to his neck.

"Don't move." said Xandus, ready to cut the ninja's neck off

Xandus looked at the ninja, and realized that he was that matrix ninja he captured earlier.

"You!" shouted Xandus "You're the one who escaped from my ship! Alex was it?"

Alex turned to Xandus

"Yes, that's my name." said Alex

"You know, this invasion didn't have to happen." said Xandus "If you translated that book for us, we wouldn't need to attack the Death's Blade. So it's because of you ninja brothers are being killed."

As Isaac was running across huts a massive missle barrage burst from the pirate flag ship. "Goddamnit" Isaac yelled, jumping of the hut just in time to dodge the barrage. He landed by two ninjas and a pirate. The pirate had a weapon held to the first ninja's neck.

Wasting no time, Isaac jumped towards the pirate, who he reconized as the pirate he had been battling earlier. Without hesitation, He stabbed his first dagger into the pirates' lower back, and the second one into his chaingun arm.

Xandus saw a ninja stabbing him. He knocked the ninja to the ground with his arm. He saw Alex trying to draw his gun.

"NOT SO FAST!" said Xandus

Xandus held his claymore up to Issac's neck, and kept his minigun aimed at Alex.

"Now, as you can see, we are winning this battle. It is only a matter of time before we overrun the Death's Blade village and kill all the ninjas." said Xandus "However, I'm feeling merciful today."

Xandus took a step towards Alex and Isaac.

"Here's my deal. I need someone to translate ancient Japanese for me." said Xandus "If one of you comes with me, I'll spare the rest of the ninjas and the village? Deal?"

Isaac was held down by Xandus' blade. He tried to struggle, but he was pinned to the ground. The pirate calmly described his terms, and Isaac looked at Alex and Falx. "Would they go for this?" He thought "How loyal are they to the clan?" He wondered. His eyes wandered, and he saw the devestation all about him. Ninja's retreating, pirates pillaging, townsfolk screaming. He saw the burning huts and the fallen warriors. "All over a book " he thought. "This is madness."

"Success!"

Falx triumphantly exclaimed his victory, as he stood up holding the pirate's clothes. He realized that he had been rather too preoccupied in his removal of them however, and there were now two ninjas and a pirate frozen in action and staring at him. He grinned in a faintly embarrassed way, surprised at himself.

Wait... embarrassment? Why should he feel embarrassed? He was Falx Umbra, the one who would destroy every last soul here, and serve his master for eternity. His grin changed into a more malicious one.

He raised his umbrella, and a particularly strong gust of wind hit them at that moment. Falx soared away. He watched their rapidly disappearing figures with an air of glee, knowing that the battle was near it's end and now the weak were nearly gone.

His glee was cut short though. While the wind was conveniently in the direction of his tavern, he had not counted on it's strength, and he soared over it into the forest behind it. He got snared by the long branches, and his umbrella got stuck in a particularly messy way. After pulling it free, he looked around, wondering how he was supposed to get down...

Isaac saw Falx look up and see the current situation. Then he openned his umbrella and flied off back they way he had come. "Wow, what a prick, leaving us here" Isaac thought. But then he noticed that Xandus was distracted, and the force against his neck had lessenned a huge amount. "Maybe it was for some good" Isaac thought, and he pushed the pirate off him, Jumped up and round house kicked him in the face. This came as a shock to Xandus, and he stumbled back a few feet and tripped over his own weight.

Knowing he only had a precsios few seconds to save himself, Isaac sprinted in the direction Falx had gone, and dove behind some cover as soon as he got the chance. From there he worked his way slowly towards the Tavern, being shure to avoid being seen by Xandus and his minigun. However, it was dusk now, and once it was dark there would be no chance of Xandus finding him.

He said a silent prayer hopeing Alex would escape alive, and then turned back for one last glimpse of the battle. The village was burning, and the remaining pirates were slowly advancing towards the ninjas stronghold. Whether his brothers would survive the night or not, he had no idea, all though he wasn't going to stand around and find out.

As Remmy woke up, he first noticed a definite draft.
Looking down, he saw he was fairly naked.
Looking up, he saw Xandus standing over him, very much looking like he just finished some heavy labor.
Looking around, he then saw the village burning to the ground.

"....Damn it Xandus! I've told you, Wake me when you're doing the fun stuff!"

"The whole world, join hands, we'll form a love train..." Sam sung, driving his Doomtrain towards Xandus and smashing straight into him.
"Hey, Alex-kun! Hop aboard if you want to live!" Sam said to the time-traveller. Then he steered the train towards Isaac's cover, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and hoisted him onto the train. Finally, he drove over to Falx's tree, motioning him to jump out onto the vehicle.
"I'd say that went pretty well!" Sam said, grinning.

Isaac was picked up and put onto a vehicle of some sort. Suprised, but not unthankful, he looked over at Sam. "Where are we going?" He asked.

"To the future, Isaacy-boy!" Sam replied. "To the futuuuure!!!" He looked out into space. "Or, more specifically, we're heading back to the Ninja Village over in Shinosuke, where we can regroup and discuss tactics. Maybe smoke some opium."

"Sounds good" Isaac replied

As the battle wound down, the Wind Sheer glided softly toward the still burning villiage, landing a few meters away from a pair of pirtes, one of whom was naked.

A door opened, and ThreeWords stepped out, looking the two of them up and down

Isaac saw the airship come in for a landing and the pirate step out. Seeing a golden oppertunity, Isaac jumped of the train and sprinted to the airship, being shuire not to be seen. Once he had reached the airship he stealthily snuck inside. His plan had been to highjack the airship and fire the weapons down on the pirates, but then it hit him: He had no idea how to pilot an airship. With precious seconds slipping by, he looked down at the control pannel and saw a lever. Figureing it was a reasonable guess, he pulled the lever all the way down, and prepared for the worst.

"...And then the old man told me I'd be reincarnated 200 years from now as my great-great-grandson, and I'd have to fight a bunch of idiots in a shopping mall."
"Mm-hmm."
"...And that somehow, I'd retain my swordfighting abilities through, like, genetic memories or something, and I'd utilize them with a pair of golf clubs."
"Mmm-hmm."
"...But the weirdest thing is that in this shopping mall, NO-ONE CAN DIE."
"Mmm-hmm."
"Well, when I say it was an old man, it way well have been an opium-induced drug trip... Hey, where did Isaac go?"

Xandus watched as his pirates attacked the ninja's defensive hill. The hill was the only thing between him and the Death's Blade village. A plasma blast fired by a space pirate had destroyed part of the hill, leaving the ninjas vulnerable.

"Everything is going to plan." said Xandus "Soon, we shall defeat the Death's Blade."

Xandus noticed something with his eye. He saw a large explosion appear from the hill. He watched as the ninjas at the hill were panicking, running away from their position. He saw several ninjas being killed by black projectiles. Suddenly, several large figures came over the hill. The creatures had lion's head, but also had wings and scorpion tails. The creatures began to attack and kill the ninjas and pirates at the hill.

"Manticores." said Xandus, horrified

The three manticores were killing the ninjas and pirates by shooting at them with poison barbs and slashing at them with their claws.

"What the fuck is going on?!" shouted Xandus

TheGreatCoolEnergy:

OOC

The Airship's engine spun to life, but Isaac hardly noticed, because he saw several manticores begin to attack pirates and ninja's alike on the hill. "What teh hell is going on here?" He said aloud

steakheart:

OOC

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Xandus117:

steakheart:

OOC

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Spoiler: Click to View

Alex began to fire at the Manticores, when he got an idea.

"Tell me, Sam, do you think we could win if we- DIDN'T PLAY BY THE RULES?"

"Alex?" Sam said, "That only works in Doomsday Arcade."

"But we can still try it, cant we?" Alex threw a concussion grenade into the 'Cores to distract them, while he opened up the console.

"Activate console command." The console popped up. "Console, change value sv_cheats 0 to sv_cheats 1. Now, spawn item_SPAS-12." A semi-auto SPAS-12 fell into his hands."

"Spawn item_anotherme." Another Sam fell at his feet, who got up and pulled out a sword. "Nice." Both of them began to hold off the 'Cores, who were defeated in about thirty minutes.

"Well, that was quick." said Alex. "What do we do now?"

"Wanna play the "Don't Mention Panties" game? You start."

"There."

"Once."

"Was.

"A."

There were still a few manticores left, one of them nearing the hut Remmy was near.
"Here kitty-bug-birdy-thingy...here kitty-bug-birdy-thingy..." Remmy murmured, circling the beast.
"Remmy, why are you taunting that thing? And WHY are you still naked?!"

"Xandus, life gives you very few opportunities in life...and when one scuttles up at your naked doorstep, you need to be ready to TAKE IT!" Remmy said, shouting the last part as he lunged at the miss-matched beast.

He wrestled himself on top, grabbing the tail and pinning it to the body. He then kicked at the legs, trying to trip it.
"SAY UNCLE, YOU FREAKISH BASTARD!"

Isaac watched the naked pirate fight the 'core, amazed. "If he he is kicking that thigs ass naked, maybe I'm fighting for the wrong side" Isaac thought to himself

Falx watched the battle between the pirates and ninjas allied against the manticores. Why the manticores were even there he had no idea, but although they had picked off a few lower level pirates, they didn't seem to be very effective compared to the two of them. Or at least some of the stronger members of both teams.

Danger causes opponents to unite... that's interesting.

Still, the wind had died down enough for Falx now. He floated elegantly down from his tree with his umbrella, and started to walk back to his tavern. He reached the door, and wandered inside, putting the stolen pirate clothes and katana down on the counter. He spread them out neatly, his eyes gleaming. His plan needed only one more thing.

He decided to try and get it now. Those manticores would be a nice distraction. He headed out of the door again with his scythe and umbrella, and looked in the direction of that village that was burning away in the aftermath of the battle...

Falx watched the flames for a while, then walked back inside. He strode over to the counter, and gave it an almighty kick.

"Shit! What a stupid waste of my time!"

As the maticores descended, ThreeWords turned with total calm, drew his revolver, and opened fire. Far from shooting normal bullets, with every shot, the weapon made al almighty eplosion, firing huge explosive bullets that were enough to send even the biggest beast staggering.

However, the hammer soon clicked down onto an empty chamber, and ThreeWords switched the gun to his left hand, drew his cutlass with his right, and began to reload the revolver one handed, even as he fought the manticores up close

Xandus fired one of his heat-seeking missiles at a Manticore, blowing it into pieces.

"What's up with these manticores?!" shouted Xandus "I thought these things lived in the middle-east and India! What are they doing in Japan?"

"How should I know?!" yelled Remmy, stabbing a Manicore with his blade

A Manitcore fired a poison barb at Xandus' leg, causing him to fall down.

"Damn creatures!"

Xandus lifted his minigun arm and fired off several rounds at the Manticore, killing it.

"And."

"Whistled."

"For.

"A."

"Baboon."

"Damn, you're good at this!" said Alex. Suddenly, an army of Manticores flew towards them.

"Alex? How many are there?"

Alex looked at Sam and yelled, "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!" While crushing his binoculars in his hand.

"WHAT? NINE THOUSAND? THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT!"

A manticore charged at Isaac. He drew his daggers and stabbed the beast. "Any bosy know what these manticores are doing here?" he yelled